As a parent, how strict are you? Are you disciplining your kids far more than what you should be doing? As a parent, you may never realize that you are going overboard with your children. Here are subtle indicators to let you know that you are being unreasonably strict with your children. Do you want me to bust them for you one by one?
Finding more mistakes in them
When you have interactions with your children, constantly correcting them is a form of behavior wherein discipline overrules grace. When you constantly keep finding fault with whatever they do, how will your children get anything done right. When parents adopt a critical attitude, it can hamper the confidence of your kids. While this can have an adverse effect on their overall well-being indeed.
How can you soften the blow? You can find the better qualities in them. Encourage at what your kid excels doing. If your child paints well, you can tell him/her how good a painter he/she is. Is your teenage daughter a fabulous bathroom singer? Take her to a ballroom dance show. Or enroll her in a good choir group. Hence, this is the thumb rule. Instead of always correcting your kid and finding mistakes in them, try figuring out the good in them. Your children are definitely going to behave well when they get the right kind of encouragement and support from their parents.
Scolding way too much
Has your three-year-old son spilled milk on the carpet while you had asked him to bring the cup from the kitchen? When you yell badly at the kid, that surely means that you are behaving too strict or trying to discipline the kid too much.
More likely, the kid loses balance when it tries holding the cup from the kitchen until the living room. Kids are humans. They are just young, but with the perfect minds. So, where comes the need to yell at the child? You should gently point out to the child, that it needs to hold the glass or tumbler carefully while your kid brings it from the kitchen up until the living room. The kids learn from their mistakes. As a parent, you should give ample scope for your kid to learn from its mistakes. Did you get that Math formula right at the very 1st attempt of having read the theory? Certainly not, right! So, how can you expect your kid to do things perfectly, the moment he/she gets hands-on to one?
Wanting perfectionism every time
As parents, do you expect the kid to get it perfect every single time. You want your kids to be super-good when it comes to scoring marks or grades in academics. When it comes to sports, you want the child to excel at it. Be it extra-curricular activities, the girl or boy must be at the top. Are you this kind of a parent who expects perfectionism every single time? Well then, you must introspect. Well, might be you are trying to discipline way too far.
Pay more attention to what they say. Do not listen to them to respond. Listen to their inner motives. Kids deal with anxiety, stress, and fear. They are humans, after all. Listen to their intuition, as a matter of fact. Allow your kids to navigate through skills in a constructive manner.
Paying more attention to their behavior instead of their hearts
When you see them misbehave, do you lose your cool every single time? It can be tearing sticky notes you had kept on your office table, or deliberately spilling a bowl of cornflakes. Or, you may have the kid tampering with your computer while you are not around.
Kids do mischief just to grab your attention. Just focusing on their behavior merely implies that you are paying attention to their behavior instead of their hearts. Gently pointing out to the kid on what he/she did and making the kid realize its mistakes is the right way of dealing with the situation. Love their hearts and hear them out. Point out differences between the right and the wrong in a subtle manner indeed. This way, your kids will never repeat the mistakes again.
Using discipline to control rather than to guide
Have there been scenarios when you have tried controlling the kids instead of reasoning the right and wrong with them? ‘If you say to your kid, I don’t care! No matter what, you have to get this done for me!’ This is a perfect example on how you are coercing your children to do things in a certain way. This is again an indicator that determines how strict you are with the kid. Here is an icebreaker to it.
Try reasoning out with the kid differences between the good and the bad or the right and the wrong. Have healthy debates with them as to how a particular thing can be done in a better or more effective way! This will go a long way in nurturing the kid and helping him/her understand the realities of life. Give role play cards and ask pertinent scenarios for the kid to answer. This way, you allow your child to think and arrive at values, ethics, or responsibility related cues.
These are the top 5 indicators to determine how strict you are with respect to your parenting. Disciplining your kid or over controlling the kid is not going to definitely help you arrive at amicable solutions. Your kid can rebel or bully you around. Else create more tantrums to let you feel more annoyed.
On the other hand, while you adopt a gentle and nurturing way to harness the emotions of your kids, you will go a long way in shaping up their future in a fruitful manner. Friendly debates or healthy conversations are any day better than unpleasant scolding or unmindful whipping. Adopt a conducive atmosphere at home. Allow the kids to do what they enjoy the most. Your kids will automatically start loving you and try replicating the exact behavior you want out of them. Remember the saying “Kind words win over hard hearts.”